Adventures in Plumbing Part II

And no, you did not get to see part one because it would have consisted entirely of the word FUCK in very large red letters repeated over and over again.

Today, I turned off all the water to the house (this is because the stupid plumber who charged me (or more correctly the previous owner write me the check and I paid them with that) $300 to install an exceptionally cheap two handled kitchen tap, and reseat my toilet.  Total time of this operation was about 1 hour.  Total cost of parts was about $15 for the tap did NOT install shutoff valves under my kitchen sink.) with the intent of replacing the kitchen tap with ball valved one which is at least a BIT better than the one I have, and at least it would stop leaking.

This did not go as planned.  I now have a spare faucet, which i guess is good since I don't see this one lasting forever given that in 4 years it went from new to nearly destroyed.  When I got the underside of the sink cleared out, I discovered that a) a connection that I previously thought was female was in fact a male, attached to a female attached to a male.  That's just gross.  Undoing the top connection didn't help, as the hose would still not pull off.  I decided to reconnect it and try working from the top down.  What I discovered was that I could get my wrench ON the nut I needed to turn.  However, while my wrench was on the nut, the handle was against the sink on one side, and the wall on the other.  I could turn exactly 0° in either direction.

I took pictures of the problematic area, took measurements and wrote them on the pictures, took the new tap with me and went to Ace Handyman where they have real men.  Richard at Ace looked over my schematic and my faucet, and said, "I know exactly what you need", and led me to the aisle it would be in.  Great!  A different kind of tool.  One I will probably/hopefully never need again... only when we got there, Richard said, "Hmm... we don't seem to have either of them in stock," and proceeded to give the problem some thought.

The conclusion of that was that if replacing the washer on the valve stem didn't work. (Note: The fact that I am afraid of plumbing does not mean I don't understand how it works or what things are called.  You will not hear me referring to anything as a 'thingy' here.  It is because of it's potential to break and or explode and spray water all over that I fear it, not because I don't understand how it works.)  For those of you who do NOT know, a valve stem is the part of the tap that is under the handle itself.  When you turn the handle to turn the tap on, it actually unscrews the valve stem which releases the seal and allows the water to flow from the source through that tap and out the faucet.  Anyway, since replacing the washer did not work, we decided that perhaps we would try replacing the whole stem after all.  So I got in the car, and went home.

For all you men out there who flocked to my door to help me when I asked for weeks and weeks for someone to help me with my plumbing problem, removing the valve stem involves taking out the little screw in the end of the handle, pulling the handle off, and then using a monkey wrench to unscrew the brass valve stem.  So I did this, and discovered that my brand new washer that I had just installed during the 'FUCK' stage of this project last month was completely and totally chewed up.  This time I KNEW it wasn't from normal wear and tear, so I took my flashlight and looked down in the hole.  Inside there is a brass ring about as big around as the tip of my little finger.  It's called the valve seat.  It screws down into the pipe and provides a level seat for the valve stem. That's why it's called that.  When you turn your handle to the off position, it screws the valve stem with it's rubber seal down onto the valve seat which seals the water so it can't come through the tap, and thus doesn't come out the faucet.  This is all very simple mechanics.  But what I saw was a brass ring with an enormous jagged hunk out of it.  Hmm...  So I took the valve stem with it's mangled brand new seal and this knowledge, and got back in the car and drove back to Ace to talk to Richard, (who I may have mentioned is a real man).

5 minutes later I was back at Ace with the valve stem in hand.  I explained to Richard what I had seen, and showed him the seal, reminding him that this was only a month old seal and shouldn't look like that, and suspected that chip from the brass ring had been eating it as co-residents who I had told not to turn on the tap until I could figure out what was wrong with it continued to turn the water on and off for two weeks until I finally shouted at them to stop using the cold tap in the kitchen.  (I don't like it when people make me shout, but I like it less when I [the owner of the house] give an instruction and the other residents ignore it because it's inconvenient.)  So anyway, Richard said "You'll have to replace the valve seat too, but I don't see any reason to replace the stem, just the seal again."  So he asked me.  Do you know what kind it is?  Of course I didn't have an answer... so Richard armed me with a new tool that is specifically for removing valve seats from taps.  He instructed me in it's use, and sent me back home to remove the seat.

5 minutes later I was back at Ace with the valve stem in one pocket and the valve seat in the other.  He instructed me (because he is a real man and knows how to do simple plumbing around the house) on how to install the new seat, put the plumbing tape around the valve stem to get the best seal possible and protect the threads, and reassemble my assembly.  Very good.  I went home.  My kitchen tap no longer leaks, and I have an extra tap I don't need, and a tool I will probably never need again.

Once again, I would like to thank all the men in my life who rushed to my door with their knowledge of simple plumbing to help me so that I would not have to face taking apart pipes and faucet parts in order to stop spending $100 a month on water from a dripping tap.  (Please note that the circumstances mentioned in this paragraph did not happen, because it appears that there is no such thing as a real man who knows how to do simple plumbing and simple car repairs anywhere around me, with the exception of those at Ace Handyman.  What in the world would I do without those guys?  I do not know, but I hope they all live forever.  I don't think there are any in the next generation who will be able to replace them.

Edit: 9:53 pm: Apparently the level of mental anguish involved in screwing myself up to tackle this plumbing issue has completely exhauted me. It's not like I didn't get enough sleep last night or anything, but I'm falling asleep in my chair here... Thus, I'm going to bed now. Might be a nap, might be for the night. We'll see.