Cruelty is not Welcome Here

[ishte]

Ok... This is going to be short and sweet.... I might give more details tomorrow after I've rested.  It's been a difficult day.  Poor Little Star has been going back and forth between me and my daughter to comfort us by having us pet her.

My mom is in the ICU after undergoing emergency surgery early this morning.  It's very serious.  My dad was transported to Hospice this afternoon.  His condition is such that there is not enough we can do to ensure his comfort.  Mom was killing herself trying.

With all that is going on, my daughter and I do not have time or heart to deal what are by comparison very petty matters.  We are busy watching a man we have both loved intensely every day we have existed die day by day, and his beloved wife of nearly 60 years is too sick to be with him. That by itself is cruel enough for us without having it inflicted on us elsewhere.

Today was Dad's 78th birthday.  I don't know what tomorrow holds.

Comments

[gangrel-pri.livejournal.com]

FWIW, I'm sending up a prayer for a painless passing for him.

[ishte.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I want it to be over... but I hope he can wait until mom is well enough to be with him for a few hours first. I can't imagine how it will tear her up if he dies while she's in the hospital.

[gangrel-pri.livejournal.com]

If he's in Hospice, they may be able to work something out for you. I know when my aunt was in Hospice, they bent over backwards to get people in to see her as they could. But that was in Cincy, so mileage may vary.

That, and I'd like to believe he'd drop by on his way out if she can't get there.

[ishte.livejournal.com]

well, I know that there are no visiting hours. family and friends can visit whenever they want to. It's more about when mom is released from the hospital and is able to physically be there.

But yes... I have no doubt that he'll go check on her if he can't wait for her. I have not doubt of that at all.

I think he's already talking to people who are with him that we can't see. He said something today while we were there and I thought he was talking to me but when I asked him to repeat it, he looked over at me and said. "Oh... Nope... nothing, just dreaming."

[ishte.livejournal.com]

When I called this morning, they said they were real busy and she didn't have time to look up patient info for me. But I'm sure my brother would have called if she was any worse.

she had an ulcer the size of a nickel (which means that she's had it for a while) that perforated, so it was leaking bacteria into her body. They sewed it up, and now she has to stay in ICU so they can keep a very close watch on her for infection and so on. She may not get out of ICU until Monday or Tuesday, and She'll be in the hospital for at least a week.

Dad doesn't seem to mind that he's at hospice. He didn't argue about it this time, but before he did. So I think then he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to come home and would be there for weeks, and now it's just a matter of days. He hasn't started asking for mom yet. He's not fully cognizant of the passage of time (because of the medication)enough to miss her yet... but he will before long.

[ishte.livejournal.com]

Well... I'm sure you understand when I say he was afraid he would be there for weeks before he died... and now it's only a matter of days. He isn't coming back home from there. Mom can't continue to take care of him. But the room is very pleasant for him, and they are able to take better care of him than any one person can. Mommy should have been asking for help, and no matter how many times I asked her what she needed, she would not ask until Friday, she knew she had to call for help.

Today she seems to be doing pretty well. Obviously she is not allowed to eat for a couple of days yet, and will stay in ICU until then. I visited today and rubbed some Zims crack cream into her hands, which she has needed to use for months, and she agreed that it felt nice. *rolls eyes*

Our hope right now, is that Dad will last long enough for Mom to be well enough to come and sit with him a little before he goes. I think it would be terrible if he died while she was in the hospital unable to even see him.

[marynachaotica.livejournal.com]

Oh Ishte!! *wrapping arms around you both and giving many huggles*

I wish I could find the words that would fully express my love and concern for you, Lexi, mom and dad. But I just cannot seem to find them.

Perhaps hospice can see their way clear to perhaps moving dad over to the hospital room where mom is. They could be in the same room. Surely the hospital wouldn't be so cruel as to keep them apart in the final hours of his life!!?!

I'm right here if you need to talk, cry or rant. Do you have my new cell number? (Just in case it happens while I'm out somewhere....which isn't likely since it's snowing..)

[ishte.livejournal.com]

Mom is at Sycamore. Dad is at Hospice of Dayton. They don't have an ICU at Hospice. It's wholly geared towards caring for terminal patience with the goal being giving them as much comfort as possible in their final days. So Dad has not tubes and wires hooked up to him. They don't bother him all day long making him take this and that. He's dying. He doesn't need his heart medicine, his potassium medicine, his blood pressure medicine, his multitude of other meds. All he needs is his pain medicine, and ease, food if he wants it, and someone to keep him clean and comfortable. That's what Hospice does, and provides a pleasant room, and several sitting rooms for family too.

Mom is in Intensive Care. She has to be watched closely for now, and this is a completely different location than the Hospice. So for the moment, they are both right where they need to be. Hopefully Dad will last long enough for Mom to sit with him again... but hopefully not long after that. I'd hate for him to die while she's in the hospital though.

[marynachaotica.livejournal.com]

What I meant...perhaps they could move Dad over to where she is...have a bed in the same room with her. It would, on a deeper level, provide comfort for them both. It might make it easier on caring for Mom, because she wouldn't be fretting.

I would have been devastated if Gerry had died away from me & home...in some place filled with strangers. And I know your mom would feel the same way.

I must confess to being a a bit surprised that you two are at home, and not sitting with Mom and Dad.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

No words. Just feelings.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I am so very sorry

[phoenixfyre1.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that both your parents are so ill. I know how hard it is to watch a parent die piece by piece. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

[reincarnated-al.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. I know how it feels to have a father slip away from the effects of sickness. It's hard, and while you love the person, you get to the point where you just want it to be over. At least you have a slight advantage over me then: I didn't believe in an afterlife. That made things a bit difficult, but thankfully, I got through it. I'm so glad to know what really happens now. It makes acceptance of the end of life so much more bearable, even beautiful in a way.

I wish you all the best, and feel free to talk with me if you need to get something off your chest. Take care.

Melissa